Nevermind, you depress me.

25.9.2011

It's been 20 years since one of the most important records of the music scene ever had been released. At that time Nirvana's second album 'Nevermind' made people think Van Halen is boring (my boss' words put into my own). But who am I to say anything about those times, since I wasn't living it. Or I was, but I could barely form sentences back then.

I think it's better to just tell about the Nevermind times I remember living; I used to be a huge Nirvana fan during my teens- all of the CDs, merch, books, self-composed ring tones etc. I had the 90's thing going on. Nevermind was the album I had to have, but at that time it had the full album price for all time. However it was put to mid-price for a while before Christmas and I was planning to buy it. But my brother kept on telling me to get their third album 'In Utero' instead, so I thought I would be getting Nevermind as a Christmas gift.

So on the holidays when I was opening a gift from my sister-in-law, which"surprisingly" had a shape of a CD, I had prepared to use my surprised face, which I had been practicing for quite a while. Just to realize that I actually needed it.

Though a great gift, as I did enjoy rockin the album through my air guitar during the holidays. But I also realized that no Nevermind and no more discount. Now how would I ever get to the rest of the Nirvana albums, because of having a plan to buy them in order?

My problem was solved quickly, thanks to the after Christmas sales. Luckily the 9th grader had a few hour break before the next lesson. So through the winter cold (by bus) to the center and back. By the time I finally got home after school, I didn't even dare to listen to it. Know when you've been wanting something for so long, and when you finally have it, you're not able to do anything? That was it. I also had the fear of the album being a disappointment. Well massively hyped things always are!

And so was the case with Nevermind too. After listening the album through, I felt so empty and confused. Waiting for so long and for what?

Don't cry ugly child (a Finnish saying). Things tend to grow on you. And so it did by listening to it over and over again. I learned to love all the 'bad' songs and hate people, who only knew 'Smells Like Teen Sprit'.

Nevermind was/is the dearest CD in my collection, so dear that during a fight with my brother he took it and threatened to scratch it. I managed to scratch him pretty well in the throat.

Then of course came the time when I started to become hipsterish. Basically stating that In Utero is so much better than Nevermind, but that's another story.

So, to the 20th Anniversary Exhibition itself in Brick Lane. I started to feel ashamed of not listening to Nirvana these past few years. What a bad fan I was. And what's worse was Linda calling me after the exhibition and asking how it was. Note that Linda calling wasn't the worse thing, but the answer I gave; the exhibition made me depressed.

I realized that the future will not hold a music act for us anymore, which would make people go 'wtf' and bring all of us together in good or bad. Nothing is going to shake us anymore.

This is the first time I wished I had lived my early twenties 20 years ago.

It was also the first time I felt sick of new music being shoved in my face constantly. I'm happy that it's easier for bands to get their music out there without any major label's help, but on the other hand is it really better, since you have so much more competition against you now? This is a bit out of topic, but it sometimes makes me want to relive those days as an MTV kid being in front of the telly like a zombie, and then getting excited when my favorite song started playing.

Life was much easier without options, when you were eating out of a major's hand. Then ten years later that music, which wasn't appropriate for the mainstream became your favorite.

That favorite was/is Nevermind.

And after five years. Exactly this moment. You wish you could be rockin your air guitar and screaming like Kurt Cobain in your mom's living room. Music turned to the max. Cause you know it would piss her off.